Emotional mastery is a cornerstone of American resilience and personal success, according to a recent opinion piece. The article highlights that emotional intelligence is not about suppressing feelings but using them strategically to fuel perseverance and leadership. Drawing on neuroscience research and real-life examples, the piece illustrates how individuals can harness emotions such as anger and fear to build resilience and achieve their goals. By learning to regulate and harness emotions, individuals can avoid the pitfalls of emotional suppression and build a strong, unbreakable spirit.
Research shows that emotions are not a choice — they’re built into the human brain and body. Neuroscientist Jaak Panksepp demonstrated that ‘core emotions’ like anger and fear are hardwired survival responses. They help us avert danger and assert ourselves wisely. At UCLA, psychologist Matthew Lieberman’s research found that naming emotions plays a role in emotional regulation. This small act calms the brain’s threat response, which strengthens self-control.
According to the article, emotional mastery isn’t about suppressing feelings; it’s about using them strategically. It’s this skill set that makes good pilots steady, leaders decisive, and fathers patient. Take Richard, for example, a 45-year-old man who came to therapy for depression. Beaten as a child, Richard had burning rage toward his father for the abuse he endured. Without someone to help him name and work through his justified anger, Richard expressed his fury in actions. He bullied other kids; it was the only way he knew how to let off steam.
Another former patient, Ben, got into trouble at work and took his emotions out on his kids. He yelled at them and criticized their mistakes. Underneath his anger, Ben felt a deep sadness and fear, but his parents never taught him how to work through these emotions, so they came out sideways. Both Ben and Richard had learned messages that made them push away their emotions, instead of dealing with them directly. As a result, they had less self-control, not more.
The Harvard Adult Development Study, the longest-running study of human thriving, found that people who flourish don’t avoid their feelings. Rather, they know how to regulate them and stay connected under stress. Discouragement, frustration, and fear are what make people quit. Grit means knowing how to face those feelings, manage them, and keep going. Emotional skills are the backbone of perseverance.
While emotional intelligence helps us thrive in every domain of life, society doesn’t equip us with education in emotions. I teach a tool called the Change Triangle, a simple map for working with emotions. It shows us how to move from being hijacked by anxiety, shame, or rage back toward strength, clarity, and calm. When irritability rises, the Change Triangle helps us ask: What’s underneath? Fear? Sadness? Frustration? Once identified, we can troubleshoot these emotions by working through them, which empowers us to respond with strategy instead of freak-outs.
The article concludes by emphasizing that the American Dream has never been about ease. It’s about building something great despite obstacles. Emotional mastery is the hidden fuel that helps us achieve our dreams. It gives young men the steadiness to build reputations on reliability, not volatility. During trying times, America doesn’t need more ‘snowflakes.’ We need strong, resilient leaders, parents, and helpers who can tap into the brilliant data that emotions provide. Anger tells us we’ve been violated. Fear helps us avoid true threats. Sadness helps us mourn unbearable losses. This know-how doesn’t weaken the human spirit; it fortifies it. Tragedy and hard times befall us all, and it’s the ability to handle these emotions that makes us unbreakable.